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What About Boob?: It’s All Fun and Games Until Somebody Breastfeeds a 3-Year-Old
I was breastfed until I was 4 years old. Or 5, maybe. My mother has always been fuzzy on the exact math. I choose to go with 4, because as it is, people tend to look so shocked that I’m afraid their...
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Bottle Feeders: Should Procreation Necessitate a Personal Prohibition?
(Peter Oumanski) Before I became a mother, I was, as my Sonoma County aunt is fond of saying, “a lover of the grape.” I liked my wine. So much so, in fact, that when I got pregnant, I continued to hold...
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Got Milf?: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Post-Baby Sex*
On a recent Tuesday afternoon at the mothers’ yoga group I frequent in Park Slope, the conversation turned to sex. There we were, a dozen women in stretchy pants and nursing bras, surrounded by sippy...
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You Better Work?: What Marissa Mayer’s Micro-Maternity Leave Means for...
Can you have it all? I don’t think anyone would mistake me for Marissa Mayer—the newly-appointed 37-year-old CEO of Yahoo who’s raising hackles all over town with her very public promise to return to...
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Sleep No More: The Sisyphean Struggle of Baby Slumber
Illo by Thomas Pitilli. Sleeping through the night doesn’t seem like such a hard task. Not to brag, but I used to do it all the time. One minute I would be struggling to decode a Will Shortz pun, the...
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Rise of the Tigger Mom: A Hovering Parent Goes Free-Range
Illustration by Kyle T. Webster The other day at playgroup, my son, Sam, hit another baby in the face. He didn’t mean to hurt him—it was more like a wave gone awry—but still, it was open-hand, at...
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Baa Baa Black Sheep: A Semi-Jealous Look at The Mommy Blogger ‘In Crowd’
Illustration by Kyle Webster As Hurricane Sandy was ravaging the East Coast last week, an Atlanta mommy blogger named Jenny took to her keyboard to opine that the storm—which had as of press time...
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Stand and Deliver! The Etiquette of Teacher Gifts
Illustration by Brian Taylor. A few years ago, my friend Kabir raked in an amazing Christmas haul at work. “I got a cashmere sweater, really expensive wine, a super nice pen, a Le Creuset pan, a free...
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I Screen, You Screen: A Brazen TV Junkie Bucks the No-Tube Trend
Illustration by David Saracino. Every morning, after getting up, emptying his bowels and painstakingly bestowing at least four spoonfuls of yogurt onto the living-room carpet, my 15-month-old son turns...
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Kiss My Ass Goodbye: The Perils of a Post-Baby Body
Illustration by Kyle Smart. One day not long after giving birth to my son, I looked down and noticed that my ass was gone. It had just cut and run—didn’t say goodbye, didn’t even leave a note....
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Mother Fudging Hell! Inveterate F-Bomber Tries to Clean Up Her Act
Illustration by Luke McGarry A childhood drawing of mine hangs above my son’s changing table. It’s a mostly unremarkable work, a giant, floating rectangular head with spiky Bart Simpson hair and a nose...
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Beware of Potty Crashers: Today’s Baby Shaming is Tomorrow’s Therapy Bill
Illo: David Saracino Over the weekend, my friend told me about her 2-year-old son’s anal fissure. We were strolling through the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, admiring the cherry blossoms as our kids...
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Baby, I’m Amazed: Why Is My Kid Such a Genius All the Time?
I have, for better or worse, the opposite of a stage mother. It’s not that my parents didn’t think I was secretly brilliant as a child—thanks to the educational Disney cartoon Ben and Me, I could...
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Wait Until You See the White Man!
(Illo: Jessica H. Lee) There is a stoop a few blocks from Union Square that catches my eye every time I pass it. It’s been beautified over the years: its formerly soot-colored iron railing painted...
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Make a Wish and Blow Money: New York Gets a ‘Birthday Show’
I don’t want to brag, but my 10th birthday was kind of a big deal. The invitation was a homemade collage (think ransom note with photos of a hirsute preteen in lieu of letters) that my mom had Xeroxed...
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